Innocence was all I have when I started dreaming - not for my self only but up to the last person in the family my heart would feel relation to. Funny that I grew up in one of the slump areas in Quezon City but I did not feel to be greedy and think of about escaping the poverty alone. I dream for them and still am.
My parents are one of the many fellowmen from the provinces that thought of moving to Manila was synonymous to tasting success and wealth and saying goodbye to hard labor. At an early age, like most people were during their time, they started their own family in one of the many houses built over the stagnant flood or high tide water in Port Area of Tondo, Manila. They had my brother and sister and had came back and forth to Samar and Manila a few times. In one of these few times, my sister died from a sickness unknown to them as the old folks belief for unseen creatures that my cause illness and yes, death took over than bringing her to the hospital.
Being a womanizer, Tatay (father) left Mama for another woman. They got separated for a long time leaving Mama (mother) responsible of bringing up my brother alone. If Mama could do carpentry or welding, she could have tried it as she only wanted the best for my brother who was sent to our relatives back in the province so Mama could work and send money for him.
After 19 years, for a very lengthy reasons I don't intend to enumerate here in details, my parents got together then I was born. Good for them! I grew up (or so I thought) thinking that Tatay working in another place for one week and coming back on weekends and Mama doing laundry for some families around the neighborhood was normal. Realization came upon me when I was scolded for inviting my classmate for lunch to the house where Mama was doing the laundry. "Pinapakain lang kayo dito, nag imbita ka pa" said the owner. (You were just being fed her for free, yet you invite someone to come over!)
So I started dreaming and working hard for it. To help Mama, I would volunteer as a cleaner wherever she was doing the laundry. The money I was getting from cleaning, I used it for my allowance and some school projects. Sometimes I would bring along my best buddy then to clean, not to eat for free, if the house was big and hard to clean. Youth meant fun and excitement back then but I was always prevented not to go to parties and gimmicks. I was angry, I felt I was not given my freedom to be happy. But every time I think of what Tatay and Mama were doing for me, I would have a blank face and will be reminded, someday soon they would not do it anymore. Someday, we would feast over a bountiful dinner instead of dividing one salted egg to the three of us. Kuya was not there during these times. He was imprisoned.
I was one of the fortunate ones to be blessed with good friends in high school and college. Influence really played a lot with how I manage to be still on track and finish my degree.
It was from a silly petty stalking and dialing the wrong phone number that I met my husband. And my pasts and dreams that time don't matter anymore. All I see was a future with him. After a year of finishing college, I got pregnant so my Mama insisted of us getting married. So we got married.
Having a family of your own and pursuing your unfinished dream for your parents and relatives are never easy. Never will be. Your family should be your priority but I believe to never forget the dream that inspired and kept me motivated to achieve whatever I have right now.
Working now as an OFW in Singapore, I was wishing I could redo my life. Restart it just like we do with computers. Rewrite it just like the authors in creating a great novel. Erase the mistakes we do with wipe out or liquid paper. But these will all be wishful thinking. I could be in the middle of my life span right now. Guess how fast I got at this age will be as fast as the speed of reaching the sunset of my life. Nevertheless, I was still given a chance to make things right this time - for Mama, some beloved relatives and most especially for my wonderful kids.
Several opportunities had came my way - to redeem my self and rebuild the dream I dreamt back then when I was still a child and waiting at the end of the line for my turn to have a pail of water for the house so I could wash the dishes. I grabbed some, chose some and wronged some. And so I wondered, why do people have to commit mistakes to learn the lesson? Because you will never learn to ride a bike until you try it yourself. You would be bruised some and even fractured some bones here and there but eventually, you will have the ride of your life!
Being a womanizer, Tatay (father) left Mama for another woman. They got separated for a long time leaving Mama (mother) responsible of bringing up my brother alone. If Mama could do carpentry or welding, she could have tried it as she only wanted the best for my brother who was sent to our relatives back in the province so Mama could work and send money for him.
After 19 years, for a very lengthy reasons I don't intend to enumerate here in details, my parents got together then I was born. Good for them! I grew up (or so I thought) thinking that Tatay working in another place for one week and coming back on weekends and Mama doing laundry for some families around the neighborhood was normal. Realization came upon me when I was scolded for inviting my classmate for lunch to the house where Mama was doing the laundry. "Pinapakain lang kayo dito, nag imbita ka pa" said the owner. (You were just being fed her for free, yet you invite someone to come over!)
So I started dreaming and working hard for it. To help Mama, I would volunteer as a cleaner wherever she was doing the laundry. The money I was getting from cleaning, I used it for my allowance and some school projects. Sometimes I would bring along my best buddy then to clean, not to eat for free, if the house was big and hard to clean. Youth meant fun and excitement back then but I was always prevented not to go to parties and gimmicks. I was angry, I felt I was not given my freedom to be happy. But every time I think of what Tatay and Mama were doing for me, I would have a blank face and will be reminded, someday soon they would not do it anymore. Someday, we would feast over a bountiful dinner instead of dividing one salted egg to the three of us. Kuya was not there during these times. He was imprisoned.
I was one of the fortunate ones to be blessed with good friends in high school and college. Influence really played a lot with how I manage to be still on track and finish my degree.
It was from a silly petty stalking and dialing the wrong phone number that I met my husband. And my pasts and dreams that time don't matter anymore. All I see was a future with him. After a year of finishing college, I got pregnant so my Mama insisted of us getting married. So we got married.
Having a family of your own and pursuing your unfinished dream for your parents and relatives are never easy. Never will be. Your family should be your priority but I believe to never forget the dream that inspired and kept me motivated to achieve whatever I have right now.
Working now as an OFW in Singapore, I was wishing I could redo my life. Restart it just like we do with computers. Rewrite it just like the authors in creating a great novel. Erase the mistakes we do with wipe out or liquid paper. But these will all be wishful thinking. I could be in the middle of my life span right now. Guess how fast I got at this age will be as fast as the speed of reaching the sunset of my life. Nevertheless, I was still given a chance to make things right this time - for Mama, some beloved relatives and most especially for my wonderful kids.
Several opportunities had came my way - to redeem my self and rebuild the dream I dreamt back then when I was still a child and waiting at the end of the line for my turn to have a pail of water for the house so I could wash the dishes. I grabbed some, chose some and wronged some. And so I wondered, why do people have to commit mistakes to learn the lesson? Because you will never learn to ride a bike until you try it yourself. You would be bruised some and even fractured some bones here and there but eventually, you will have the ride of your life!
